Ava's Tea Party

 

I have no words. No right words.

I sat here, fumbling over the "right" delivery, the "proper" phrase and the sort of balance that Sheye is so known for.

But I don't have it...

 I poured the pink milk, used all the perfect, mismatched tea cups and plates, equally divided the pepto-candies and raspberry chocolates. I hung oraganza and played Sigur Rós  Fjögur píanó, and on vinyl no less, for Ava. But not just for Ava, for Lydia and Layla and Rooster. For the moment that I was lucky enough to have. I celebrated 7 years old. I celebrated 5 years old. I celebrated 4 years old. I celebrated.

 So many things, in the last two years, have changed. 

I am a member of the Single Parents Club.

My Children are Children of Divorce.

I lost my home.

I lost many things...

But I did not loose this life. This life, with them. My three divine, wild, hope-embodying, fariy, milk-drinking, beautiful, tiny humans.

And here we are, today, drinking pink milk, and loving each other.

 I can't fathom the way Sheye's heart feels. Or did feel, or will, or anything. When I try to, I end up a puddle. I'm hurt for her. I'm angry with myself for not being more grateful. I'm scared, of ever knowing how it feels and I am inspired to her embracing, remembering and mourning spirit. 

I am in awe.

Most assuredly.

 Since I cannot relate to the depth of what she feels I want to take the time to see my own life.

Ava's Tea Party is all about taking a moment.

This is ours.

 My untamed littles did not want to wear fancy clothes.

No pictures. No Sigur Rós or elegant tea time.

So, we had pink milk in tea cups and sippy cups. We had a dance party with all the songs they wanted to hear, including "I like to Dance" by Hot Chelle Rae and "Tonight, Tonight" by the Smashing Pumpkins, and we all did pathetic attempts at 'the robot' to Bassnectar's "Bass Head".

 I didn't take any photos.

Not of them. Because they didn't want that.

We laughed. We had a tickle fight. We loved each other.

We planned our trip to the park for later in the day. We talked about what to pack in our picnic.

We drew pictures.

 In my mind I would have 1,000 photos to sift through of our fancy, perfect, tea time for Ava. But... I only have these.

And that's okay.

Because, we had our moment, and there was no one there that was not smiling, and full of joy and love and delight and when it was over, and we stopped the official celebration, we were all still smiling.

Lydia started drawing more landscapes, Layla went off to play with her plushie-dog Fetch and Rooster talked me into letting him watch Tin-Tin on Netflix. I sat down to blog and drink some coffee. 

And I could tell we were all still celebrating. On the inside. Because I have them and they have me.

And Life, Death, Being Busy, Work, School, Weekends with their Daddy, Discipline, TV, Being Hurt or Angry... None of that can take that away.

Ever.

Sheye, has these lovely words on her blog:

I Carry Your Heart with Me

(I carry it in my heart)

I tear up every time I read it.

I am as I type them now.

Gawd, Life, it's so short and childhood is so brief. Even to be blessed with years, of them being little, and to see them into preteen, teen and eventual adult years, it's never long enough.

I have been given something priceless.

Happy Birthday Ava.

File Under: Ava's Tea Party, Tiny Humans